Every morning as I laced up my sneakers; young and shy
I’d say goodbye
Before I’d hike up the school bus; it was easy then
I wasn’t thinking how I’d see your face that night; worn
from work
A conversation; a moment in your lap; what a perk
But when I think of the goodbye ahead
I can’t fathom that
How do I say goodbye for the rest of my life?
As I grew I never quite could wrap my head around
The distance you placed between us, and how it would
compound
The drives to school bright and early; ready and waiting for
A word and complement; anything
All I wanted was a bit of your affirmation and time
Perhaps, maybe a nursery rhyme
It was easy to say goodbye then
But when I think of the goodbye ahead
I can’t fathom that
How do I say goodbye for the rest of my life?
By and by though I would mature,
And have to say goodbye after the sun fell
And I secretly hoped
You’d wait for me to come in and be well
You wouldn’t and you didn’t
I persisted to keep my thoughts hidden
It was easy to say goodbye then
But when I think of the goodbye ahead
I can’t fathom that
How do I say goodbye for the rest of my life?
A goodbye for the day: simple
“See ya later.”
A goodbye for a week: more affectionate
“Have a good week.”
A month; and year: complicated and prolonged
“Take care; call if you need anything; don’t forget to do…”
And as I’ve grown
There is forgiveness, peace and gratitude
For the time we’ve reconciled
Over the youthful confusion I harbored towards you
When I think of the near imminent future
I can’t think of how I can
Or will
Be able to
Say goodbye
And even when
Memories replay, rewind and replay again
In my mind, as I think over the course
Of this most recent year
How difficult and draining it has been
I am grateful for just
The time
To be with you
All the same though
When I think of the goodbye ahead
I can’t fathom that
How do I say goodbye for the rest of my life?
For a dad who would carry me when I was young and couldn’t
speak
I now do that for you
I carry you; even when you can’t speak
For a dad who fed and watered me out of parental instinct
I now do that for you
I feed you and give you drink out of loving instinct
For a dad who would tell stories of his youth and early
years
When I was young and simply listened
I now do that for you
I tell you stories of the father you’ve been for me
Despite your inability to respond
I know you can hear me and are listening
As your time approaches
I see the signs of your body giving way
A little more; each and every day
And all I can do is just be
With you
And all I can do is
Grab some serenity
In knowing you will be at peace; and we will be at peace
As we’ve said our peace
Words become unnecessary
And we will just be
A loving expression
Of father and daughter
Truly I know
I will never be ready
For your last breath
Yet I give you my
Consent, to go from this world
And into the next
You know that I love you
So goodbye dad
But only for now…
