A Bucket List of Sorts

Since being home, and witnessing my dad under the affects of cancer and chemotherapy, it has inevitably forced me to think of my own life, and my mortality.  So I felt compelled to write up a bucket list for myself.  Much of my bucket list is traveling, as I do have the "bug," but much of it also reveals a sort of purpose filled desire.  It should be a fun read, and hopefully my sharing might inspire others to do the same.

(Listed in no particular significance or order)

1.  Sky diving 

2.    Create a photo scrapbook of all the stages in my life

3.  Be part a campaign of sorts

4.  Run a marathon (done and check - twice over baby!)

San Francisco Marathon, August 2010!  

Philadelphia Marathon November 2011!  

5.     Befriend a once thought of enemy

6.     Teach overseas

7.     Give a motivational/inspiring talk

8.     Help start an organization

9.     Save a life

10. Have my 15 minutes of fame on T.V. 

11. Complete a triatholon (of any length)

12. Write a book

13. Climb one of the 7 highest points in the world

14. Learn how to Tango & Salsa dance....well!

15. Pick up on Modern Jazz dance - again

16. Learn one other language 

17. Go para-sailing

18. Water ski

19. Witness a miracle 

20. Meet someone famous (who I actually like)

21. Get a Masters Degree

22. Go on a hot air balloon ride

23. Go to an Olympic game

24. Fall in love

25. Teach someone how to empower himself or herself  

26. Conquer all my demons

27. Furnish one room (at least) of all recycled material; with my own pizzazz too of course. 

28. Bungee Jumping (done and check)

29. Be part of a relief effort 

30. Hop on a boat through the Panama Canal 

31. Tour Lima

32. Zip line through the Canopy in Costa Rica 

33. Take a picture with a Lama at Machu Picchu 

34. Go to the southernmost tip of South America - Cape Horn

35. Explore Cape Point

36. Go quad biking in the Egyptian Desert from Sharm el Sheikh 

37. Go on an African Safari

38. Ride a camel while visiting the Ancient Egyptian pyramids

39. Dine on the Nile 

40. Sightsee in Israel

41. Float in the Dead Sea - and live to tell the tale

42. Experience Moroccan food and culture

43. Search for Africa's "Big Five"

44. Tour Dubai 

45. Tour Jordan's famous landmarks

46. Experience a Tea Ceremony in Asia

47. Walk the Great Wall of China (not the whole length of course) 

48. Tour picturesque Chinese towns and villages

49. River boat cruise to see the Ayutthaya Temples in Thailand 

50. Tour the Hong Kong Island 

51. Sightsee in Tokyo

52. Travel around Japan by train

53. Ride an elephant in Bangkok

54. See the Giant Buddha on Lantau Island

55. Visit the Elephant Orphanage Sanctuary in Kuala Lumpur 

56. Take a bullet train to Mt. Fuji 

57. Stand on Istanbul soil while looking across the Sea of Marmara into the Asian Continent

58. Explore Spain’s medieval capital, Toledo

59. Tip-toe through tulips from Amsterdam

60. Visit Stone Hedge

61. Sightsee in Barcelona

62. Go to Switzerland's High Alps 

63. Visit the Royal Castles of Neuschwanstein and Linderhof

64. Go on a day trip to Capri (done and check)

Study Abroad Housemates 2006!  

65. Take a gondola ride in Venice (done and check)

I think I was the one taking the picture.  =) 

After the gondola ride, we took a bike ride on one of the smaller islands right off of Venice.   

66. Visit Normandy

67. See Michelangelo’s David (done and check)

Waist up; keeping it PG rated!  Look at those abs...

68. Explore Paris’ top museums and attractions

69. Take a Day Trip to Pompeii (done and check)

Study Abroad 2006 group.  Day trip to Pompeii.  Entering a theater.

Streets of Pompeii.  

On top of Mt. Vesuvius! 

70. Tour Tuscany & the Leaning Tower of Pisa (done and check)

Amalfi Coast, Italy.  

A small village in Italy - during mardi gras! 

Hadrian's Villa

More of Hadrian's Villa!

71. Explore Ancient Rome and the Colosseum (done and check)

Last night Abroad at the Trevi Fountain.  Housemates!! 

A night out in Trastevere - a local spot in Rome!

Late night at the Spanish Steps!

The Colosseum! 

The Colosseum on Good Friday - stations of the cross!

72. Skip the Lines in Vatican City (done and check)

The Vatican!

Peekaboo!

Inside St. Peter's Basilica - breathtaking! 

Laying out on St. Peter's Square - yup that's me.  

On top of St. Peter's Dome. 

73. Explore the Giant Redwoods at Muir Woods (done and check)

SFSU Newman, hiking retreat 2009! 

SFSU reunion of sorts - 2011

Me!

74. See a Luau in Hawaii (done and check)...sadly no pictures, as these are all on conventional film and prints; and just haven't gotten around to scanning 'em.  ***waawaa***

75. Day Trip from Vancouver to Whistler

76. Party on the Strip in Vegas

77. See a Broadway Show

78. Day Trip to Quebec City from Montreal

79. Day Trip to Victoria from Vancouver

80. See the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights)

81. Climb Half Dome in Yosemite

82. Go Wine Tasting in Napa and Sonoma

83. See a Cirque du Soleil Show (done and check)...nada pics of this either, BUT twas spectacular!!!

84. Go Sightseeing in Washington DC (done and check)

Capitol Hill - Spring 2011.

Lincoln Monument - SSJ Mission Corps Volunteers.  Spring 2011

Zee White House. 

The Washington Monument.  

85. Niagara Falls

86. Go Sightseeing in New York City (done and check)

Central Park - winter 2012. 

Times Square - October 2010

Statue of Liberty - October 2010

Liberty Island, looking at the Manhattan Skyline - October 2010 

Times Square at night with some Jesuit friends of mine - Winter 2012

Brooklyn Bridge, - Feb 2012 

87. Visit Kangaroo Island

88. See an Opera at the Sydney Opera House

89. Cruise Sydney Harbour

90. Ride the Kuranda Scenic Railway

91. Ride the Puffing Billy Steam Train

92. Explore Green Island along the Great Barrier Reef 

93. See the Penguin Parade in Australia

94. Sightsee in Sydney

95. Tour the Great Ocean Road in Melbourne 

96. Experience Waitomo Caves & Rotorua in New Zealand

97. Tour the Central Australian Desert

98. Tour the Sights of New Zealand 

99. See the Australian Outback, and learn how to throw a boomerang

100.  Scooba Dive or Snorkel in the Great Barrier Reef 

Yes, I know I put items on my bucket list that I’ve already done or accomplished – so what?!  Besides, I’m sure some of those I’ve done, others’ would put it on their bucket list, so I wanna give myself credit knowing that I’d put them on regardless.  Don’t judge!  =)

( 14 down, 86 items to go! )

Here’s to living!

Polite Dinner Conversation?!?!

Well, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming!  Especially, so in the heat of a presidential election, I saw it coming.

Being an adventurous woman, and having lived in two great cities through college and there after as a volunteer and teacher for the past five years, life and experiences here and there have inevitably  changed and adjusted some preconceived notions that I once subscribed to that have changed and adjusted.  Anyone who’s ventured away from the safety net of home can tell you the same.  Meeting and befriending diverse people, and experiencing life in new realms and contexts will inevitably challenge some beliefs and stances that you might have grown up with. 

Now with that said…

It was a promising evening that was conjuring a couple of weeks back - girl time and homey cooking.  Dear friends of mine and I had somewhat spontaneously planned a Pintrest dinner at another friend’s house.  Everything about it I was eagerly looking forward to: girl time, cooking and exchanging recipes, wine abundant, and the good company of great gals!  Chitter chatter of nursing school and clinical work; talk of work in youth ministry; babble and gossip of the latest boy gossip; and retelling of a very recent (and very Catholic) wedding proposal.  At this point after a tedious prep and cook time with my long time childhood friend Amy, we were all at table; all, being eight other young women (two of which I know well, and the others honestly I’m just getting to know as I assimilate back home).  Fresh outta the oven egg plant parm was being cut and served, an almond of sorts salad was being divided, and a buttery and yummy baked bread was being ripped and tantalizing our taste buds when the two topics you’re always told to never talk about over new company and at the dinner table was brought up…

Religion and politics!!

It came up that many of the young women at the table do a lot of work for the Pro-Life movement.  Kudos to them – truly!  The discussion progressed to talk of sisters that some were familiar with, and was thought of as perhaps to be a casual Catholic, and maybe even progressive in thinking.  “Nuns on the Bus,” was the proceeding topic.  Perhaps, to no fault of their own, someone mentioned that the nuns associated with “Nuns on the Bus,” were campaigning for Obama; at which point a disapproving reaction was had by a handful of some of these women at table; and then it happened, I snapped inside.  If you hadn’t figured out, I was sitting at a red table, not a blue table.  As the discussion continued to have a reactionary disapproving scowl to anything Obama, and anything that wasn’t “traditional Catholic,” my blood boiled hotter and hotter. 

Truth be told, I was fuming and seething inside with anger towards some of the misinformed or perhaps skewed talk going on.  Truth be told again, I was also frozen and paralyzed; I couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth and challenge the discussion, as I was the new girl at the table.  To most of these women, I’m still a stranger, and because of how skewed and single issue oriented the conversation was I knew if I opened my mouth, it wouldn’t have come out well – again at a table where I was the new girl.  Well, my dear friend Amy, who knows me all too well, picked up on my fiery flaming eyes of irritation and anger from across the table; knowing what I was thinking, she attempted to speak for me; as I was not in a good position to speak well.  Many thanks to Amy for that! 

Why was I so irritated?  Four reasons.  One: there’s a frustration I have when people get talking pro-life; I find the topic and some (not all) efforts to be very short sited.  Let it be known that yes, I am pro-life, but you will not find me at a pro-life walk or praying in front of an abortion clinic (not that all pro-lifers do that).  To be honest, I find it rather insulting to women struggling with unwanted pregnancy, that so much is done to keep a baby, and not a minute amount of effort is done after to support the mother and newborn.  Life is from conception to natural death; it doesn’t stop at birth.  Life means access to affordable health care; life means access to affordable education to better ones self; life means food, shelter, a family – because that’s all a part of a quality life.  Once more, rather than trying to simply outlaw abortion (for fear of back ally and coat hanger abortions), wouldn’t looking at prevention do better for these women at risk.  Prevention in the sense of abstinence (but realizing that abstinence can’t be the only prevention); menstrual cycle education; more afternoon programs for high school students to get involved in (because when teens have more programming and purpose they’re probably less likely to get board and knocked up). 

Two:  when the decision of a vote comes down to one issue, or that one issue weighs more heavily than other relevant and serious issues, I find the decision to be made unfairly and too simple mindedly.  What’s a society abortion free, if there’s a lack of infrastructure to support a thriving life for all?  I can’t imagine ever proudly boasting that we’re abortion free, when the majority of people are born and live in poverty and lack of opportunity to advance themselves.  How miss prioritized, miss directed, and insulting. 

Three:  the manner in which some of those laid back and progressive nuns were being referred to; or how some were reacting to them made me livid!  Nuns on the Bus is an organization of Catholic Sisters, who are missioned to stand with people in need and to be witnesses for economic justice.
They speak out against the current House Republican budget, authored by Rep. Paul Ryan.  They do so because it harms people who are already suffering.  So when reactions by some of the young women at the table are reactionary and judgmental because of miss information towards the women to stand for and with the poor, I have a problem.

Four: I didn’t say anything!  I choked!  I didn’t have the courage that I know I have to challenge the women at this dinner table.  Yea, I know I was sitting at a table a stranger to most; yea I know I was more than irritated inside and fuming as a result; but I’ve more than been an out spoken young spit of fire since my early 20s.  So why couldn’t I say anything then?! 

The answer is many, but what it comes down to is, I’m human, and sometimes I chicken out – simply put.  Was it hard to be in new company and not share their beliefs – yup!  Was it rather intimidating to be somewhat of a minority at the table, with a different perspective – totally!  Again, knowing myself at that moment, if I had challenged any of the young women at the table, my challenge would’ve been emotion driven – which is also not a good combination at a fine dinner table.  Truth be told as well, the conversation and discussion caught me off guard; if I had see it coming perhaps I would’ve been more even keeled.  The good news is, I know I’ll have many more opportunities to engage some of these bright women in this kind of discussion again, and perhaps bring new perspective to what they know.  Words of wisdom tell me as well that perspective is changed not over one dinner conversation but many discussions  and real experiences.  And so, perhaps not all hope is lost from my one chocked defeat.         

Unconditional Love

“Can you take the image you've hoped your dad to be, let it go, and allow him to be the dad he knows how to be?”  

These were the poignant words my spiritual director asked of me a month’s time before I’d head home from Philadelphia.  Now being home for close to eight weeks this question has crept back into my consciences. 

As a young girl, and as I grew into and out of my teenage years the relationship my father and I had was less than close.  Make no mistake, in his own right, my father provided me with everything I needed, and in his own way showed me love growing up.  All the same, I often wondered why my dad was so emotionally distant, and showed almost no loving affection towards me.  The affects of this relationship has reamed profound effects on me, and many aspects of my now adult life; most of which I've been able to come to terms with and navigate through.  Even still, some realities of my past I suppose I’ll periodically come back to; case in point, now being home!  My present reality of being home, caring for and spending time with my father as he faces lung cancer, the treatment of chemotherapy, and all the affects that he suffers under chemo has brought me back to those years growing up, and the questions I had about my dad.   

Can I?  Can I set aside and let go of this image I've pined my father to be for me?  The answer – like many – doesn't come easy; for the answer comes with implications; implications for me.  

There is no doubt that I’d love for some interactions with my dad to be different.  Perhaps, being away from home for the past five years – and all the growth and experiences that come with it – would change something.  Or maybe the fact that I’m well into my adulthood; and interactions with my parents might be more mature – that might make my relationship with my dad different.  And in some ways it is.  Yet, it’s not quite what I’d hope for it to be.  Hope springs eternal!    

So I return to that question my director posed to me as I prepared to return home.  Simply put, yes, I can set aside this image I’d hope my dad to be for me.    

Time and time again, I remember that my dad is being the father he knows how to be – not the father I idealize in my imagination.  In a Christian sense, I need to meet my dad where he is; cause that's who he is, and I need to honor that.  If not, I'm to blame.  Thus, as my father undergoes chemotherapy and shows the side effects, I’m reminded to be sympathetic, compassionate and understanding to him; him as a father; and his limitations; and know that there is still love at the center of it.  There’s a whisper that gently reminds me that this love that is there is a love I can’t force to be a certain way; and on my end wouldn't be unconditional love.  Caught up in that whisper, I’m reminded to enjoy the father I do have, and not to waste time pinning over a father I've imagined in my head.  For this time is a gift; and this time is not time to waste pinning over a false reality.     

The Initial Arrival

It's been just over a month since I packed my East Coast life up, and boarded a plane west bound with a one way ticket in hand.  "I'm coming home," I told myself and others close to me.  Not exactly what I envisioned for my wonder lusting sense of self at this age of 26.  Isn't that the flaw in visions or plans we hypothetically form in our minds; we can't factor in what the future will really bring, and the implications they have on our hearts and course of life.  Honestly I have the heart of a dreamer; an adventurer; I have great desires to see so much of our world, and meet people in foreign lands; and a zealous fire to make a difference in the work I pursue, and the people I work with.  All the same, the decision to come home; to move home was one of the easiest decisions (and clearest) decisions I've made thus far.

Receiving news one late and stormy night that my father is positive for lung cancer, and the life expectancy isn't looking promising was devastating; heart breaking; and earth shattering!  Hence, there was no doubt in my mind that where I need to be right now in my life is at home; at home with my dad and family.
I knew instantly I need to be present to my dad to take care of him, and spend this time with him - I'd have utter regret if I didn't.

My Dad-io!  

I knew instantly I needed to be home and be a supportive presence to my mother in her grief of the reality that is, as well as be someone who helps to carry her load of the implications that follow.
I knew instantly that right now in my life, family (spending time with family) is a top priority.  So after a whirlwind of a summer in Philadelphia, I came home to my family on September 4th.

Well...the decision was easy, and clear, everything after is....we'll say an adjustment.  The truth is, I've been used to living out on my own and doing things my way for the past five years.  So adjusting to sharing a room again, is well, an adjustment.  Adjusting to the fact that I've lived in two very urban cities full and rampant with accessible subways and buses and thus just being so free to walk a block or two and hop on a trolley or subway and being where I need to be in half an hour; and now being back in the middle of Orange County (a great big suburb) with a mediocre bus system, and needing four wheels to get anywhere in a timely manner is...an adjustment.  Obviously, my savings account will be that for a car now; fingers crossed I can put a decent down payment on one before new years!  Finally, being away for the past five years, I've grown in so many facets; I've had countless life experiences away from the safety net of my loving family that I'm a different person than when I first moved away to pursue the rest of my college education.  That person I've become has to...adjust...back to living with my family.  Or rather, they might have to...adjust...to who I've become.  Perhaps both parties have to adjust to one another.

Despite the growing pains of transition, there really has been so many great and wonderful moments; it's those moments that give me grace, comfort and hope for my father, family, me and my life, and the future.  It's in the long time friend who happily picked me up from LAX and enjoyed a half free dinner at Outback Stake House - complements of a nursing graduation gift card.
It's in a bliss filled "girls night;" going to a local Angels baseball game.

Girls Night Out at the Angels Game!

It's happens when I do the thrilling dare devil act of bungee jumping with my younger sister who just entered her roaring 20s; and feel that rush of adrenaline!
It's there when I receive thoughtful emails and loving phone calls from my Philadelphia friends.
I find it when my father teaches me how to play Canasta - a loved past time of his side of the family, anytime there's a Quigley Family reunion.  Then I start to remember and realize how old people used to entertain themselves before the internet (said with all of love and affection).

Canasta

Me learning Canasta.  

I find it in a mild weathered afternoon strolling around Downtown Disney, and getting my dad's and my caricature done; or in a family day trip to Big Falls (a state park) and climbing a moderate waterfall.  

How does my dad and I look as cartoon characters? 

There it comes when I spend a afternoon and evening with a Berkeley friend - now San Diego friend - and we shoot the breeze at the beach; complete with ice cream, and a dumb laugh of a movie in the evening.  
There it comes when I connect with a once acquaintance (through my newly married friend), who also is new to the SoCal area, and we enjoy yummy food, and connect on a religious level too.
And there it certainly comes when I nail a job interview and land a job, after being home before that month mark has hit!

All in all, I know that I'm being taken care of, and I'm doing my best to take care of myself.  There my be unintentional times when family and I rub each other the wrong way; or when once had freedoms of being on my own in big vibrant cities are again realized; despite all that I keep my eye on the reason I came home - family, and my dad!  In the meantime I look forward to Fall (won't quite be as special as it is back East) and all that comes with it: Halloween festivities, crisp air, Thanksgiving and sinfully delicious food.  I look forward to working again - first day of work is Monday!  Not least, I look forward towards a bucket list of things to do with family and my dad before his time comes; and I look towards my friends for comfort and support.  This is a time to not waste; and time to make things right; and in many ways I'm blessed to have it - even if the blessing is painful to accept.

Sisters!  

Can't forget the Dog; well one of our dogs!