You used to follow relentlessly behind me,
whirled up in whimsy, laughter, and mischief.
Light cascaded across your smile,
joy sparkling in those blue eyes.
I’d roll my eyes, pretending I was bothered,
but truth be told, I liked you as my shadow.
Your joy was gentle and pure,
a childlike thing the world couldn’t touch.
Remember the game we used to play?
You’d set those little mind traps,
so sure you’d catch me off guard,
but I always saw it coming,
from a mile away.
We’d giggle and jeer, your gotcha grin gleaming,
your triumph was always short-lived.
Because I was older, wiser
and secretly proud of your persistence.
That day in grade school,
you burst into my classroom.
Bold and beaming, calling my name
though mispronounced.
The class stifled laughter,
my teacher calmly sent you away,
but you persisted, undeterred.
My cheeks burned under all those eyes,
and from that day on,
“Bubba” followed me like your echo.
Now the tension hums between us,
thick with all the words we’ve left unsaid.
Your tone, once laced with laughter,
has soured to bitterness and rage.
I long for that boy who followed at my hells,
but the spirit of that child has gone quiet,
and I’m left holding pieces of you.
Like shards of a mosaic I can’t reassemble.
Don’t you remember high school
When you reclaimed your shadow’s post?
I’d roll my eyes, pretend to shrug you off,
but secretly I was flattered.
It was endearing, your need to be close,
though my adolescent pride
wouldn’t dare admit it.
But now, you’ve hardened.
That joyful spark has spoiled to malice.
My playful shadow turned stone.
My reasoning melts under your thunder yells,
your lighting words leave scorch marks.
Even my guttural sobs can’t reach you.
Unempathetic, unfeeling, and worst of all,
indifferent.
Remember the long walks home,
when I stood by your side?
Your shield, your stone.
When cruel kids spat their petty names,
I met their mockery with fire and stand,
my small frame, yet fierce command.
Their words were unjust, their taunts unfair,
but now I gasp for air.
Because though their cruelty had no reason,
Neither do your choices in these recent seasons.
And though I once fought to defend your name,
I cannot now excuse your shame.
There’s a wildfire in you now
Raging, relentless, burning all who reach out.
You’ve left in the smoke of your own destruction,
haunted by ghosts you refuse to face.
It breaks me to watch you
turn your life to ash,
I’ve tried to quench the blaze.
But I can’t risk
being consumed too.
When I moved to the golden city on the hills,
you came again, my shadow again.
This time, I welcomed you.
My juvenile pride had faded, my arms were wide open.
We wondered by the Bay,
you smiled, you laughed,
and for a fleeting while,
I had that spirit of that boy back.
I’ve ached and prayed for serenity to find you,
for gratitude, reason, and humility to soften you.
But your pride builds walls,
too high for any of us to climb.
Does your pride keep you company
in your isolation at night?
My calls echo over the barricade,
pleas for healing,
met only by silence, or blame shifting.
Your rage left unchecked,
spread like wildfire through the home
and this time, it scorched one of our own.
You did the unthinkable,
no reason could justify,
Your forced apology could not pacify,
the harm you carved that morning.
Shocked, my heart split and spine stiff,
knowing this time, silence would make me complicit.
So I tore the curtain down,
revealed what had been long concealed.
No more excuses, no more pretending.
Enough was enough, the facade was ending.
You called your violence “justified,”
But if that’s true,
why hide your face now,
from the ones who once defended you?
I’ve weathered your storm,
believing calm could steady your heart,
but thunder doesn’t listen
it only hears itself.
I know I’ve stumbled too,
But my love and care was steadfast,
my hope, sincere.
Yet now there’s nothing left to offer,
but love and prayers from afar.
You’ll always be my shadow,
but I can’t keep you by my side
anymore.
I'll still look for you,
that spirit of that boy I once knew,
in the quiet hum of your smile,
and echos of your laughter,
we once called our own.
If you ever find your way through the blaze,
know that forgiveness and peace still whispers for your name.
But until then,
I must walk in light,
and hold on to hope that your shadow,
is simply at rest, and will follow,
one day.
