Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
“Oh, get over it!”
as the scorpion stings my heel,
and slams me with silence
its shame so unreal.
From your poisonous, condescending tongue,
so dismissive, and disrespectful
where have you sprung?
Of course, I’m not allowed to show a trace of rage,
silly me, I forgot, I’m trapped in this cage.
I’m supposed to be a servant,
so patient, so still,
void of reactions to any ill will.
Pardon me if I question your sincerity,
when your “I love you” comes with toxic clarity.
Forgive me, I failed to play the part,
to switch on my rotting, robot heart.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
The way you forced me into a parent’s role,
because even now, you neglect his soul.
My isolation, anxiety, and depression,
graze at my carcass in a constant procession,
like vultures that pick apart my weary heart.
To anyone with eyes, it’s clear from the start
the negligence you’ve inflicted on him is deep.
Instead of teaching him how to grow and keep
responsibility, respect, and decorum intact,
you’ve let him digress decades, in fact.
You claim the same sob story, time and again,
it’s always the fault of circumstance or men.
He’s faced so much adversity, right?
The world is out to get him, right?
Tell me though, what does he have to show?
Education? No.
Portion control? Nope.
Job skills? Of course not.
Emotional growth? Absolutely forgot.
Any trace of responsibility? No way!
Hence why we kept warning you every day.
We saw his tantrums, we handled them too,
and begged you to save him from what would ensue.
Yet still, you defended his ways as divine,
with “forgive seven times seventy,” your convenient biblical line.
As if that logic ever worked on a stinging wasp,
Fool me once - shame on me.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
I’ll never forget how I stood on those steps,
dumbfounded, depleted, and full of regrets,
when you screamed at me,
“Oh, I hate you!” so loud,
as a swarm of locusts formed a dark cloud,
devouring my dopamine, and breaking my mind.
I hadn’t learned yet how to be so resigned,
to pacify your endless insecurities
I didn’t even know they were there, you see.
Shame on me for not predicting the sting,
of how you’d feel, or the hurt you would bring.
But I was just a child, so young and small,
and you’ve always been the focus, after all
never me.
Tell me, do you remember all the countless nights
You punished me with silence, stripped me of my rights?
Your cold, blatant quiet, cutting deep like ice,
In the wake of disagreements, without thinking twice.
Even in the face of others, you'd never break the freeze,
Ignoring every olive branch, withholding all your ease.
You looked right through me, walked right past my plea,
I know you hear me when I ask, I know you see me bleed.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
I’m not your marionette puppet anymore,
you manipulated when I was a girl before,
bending to every nuance of your mood,
but I’ve outgrown your attempts to intrude.
You can’t condition me to neglect how I feel,
so now you grasp at straws to make things surreal.
Remember that holiday up by the lake,
when you didn’t come to my aide, for my sake?
After I faced a dangerous trek on my own,
you couldn’t be bothered you left me alone.
Your martinis took precedence, as always, it seems.
After a 24-hour ordeal,
I had needs of finally being allowed to decompress
but of course, that wasn’t your idea of success.
Like Zero who snapped at Camp Green Lake,
I snapped at Arrowhead, and I couldn’t fake.
Cue your dramatic scene, and my needs ignored,
cue your gaslighting I can’t be restored.
Because I didn’t blindly follow your cue,
you couldn’t control me the way you used to.
I should’ve known, by the rattle’s slight,
the venomous bite was soon in sight.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
Do you remember
when you stormed onto the patio’s stage,
demanding I hang up the phone in a furious rage?
As if I were still a child in your eyes so unkind,
all I wanted was to connect, and not to be confined.
The clan was still preparing, and I was ready to go,
yet you erupted, made a scene, putting on a show.
After we were all packed and the car was aligned,
I was buckled, and ending my call, trying to be kind.
Insufficient, since you raged through the house, your anger a storm,
slamming the door, leaving my heart so torn.
Humiliated, I trudged in with heavy steps of shame,
begged you to come back, but you only fueled the flame.
“Oh no, your call was too grand,”
you hurled guilt my way with a cruel, demanding hand.
Made to feel bad for my small act of grace,
while you rejoined with a calm, and pleasant face.
To me though, you were callous,
but to the others, you were ever so sweet,
your sugary charm made me accept my defeat.
You monopolized the dinner, stole the spotlight bright,
punishing me with ostracized silence through the whole night.
At my own send-off, a night meant for my own cheer,
you seized the moment, spreading venomous fear.
Publicly torturing my spirit, forcing me to hide,
your venomous positivity left me mortified.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
Even when I come to help,
I’m met with accusations that make me yelp.
Abruptly and aggressively, you claim I’m rude,
with a judgmental glare, it’s your attitude.
That face of disdain you cast my way,
dagger eyes and pressed lips, a condemning display.
From how I talk, make suggestions, or even stand,
everything I do is judged by your harsh hand.
As if you have a jury to sway to your side,
I’m on trial, my actions so scrutinized.
I’m treated worse than the hired help,
as if my worth’s a minor yelp.
Thank God the one you hoped would join your band,
confidently corrected you, taking a stand.
That’s what you wanted, to drive us apart,
your reparations inconsistent from the start.
You nitpicked my time, made it seem less,
quantifying my worth with no real finesse.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
The way you coldly and blatantly dismissed my illness,
so disdainfully, twisted it to make yourself the victim,
with tears for you and guilt to afflict them.
Because I couldn’t delay my illness, so grave,
so you could explore the spots you crave,
it shattered my heart, made me feel small,
conditioning me to see my needs as a mere trivial call.
An inconsiderate bother, you made me feel,
most importantly, my worth you’d steal.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
Recall that moment at the Lake, so stark,
when you lashed out at us, leaving a mark,
with guilt-ridden scorn and passive aggression,
for reasons none of us could fathom or question.
What gives? We were just preparing breakfast or at ease,
in the common space, finding our peace.
Pressed on the cause of your angry display,
it was clear you’d misjudged in every way.
Your mistake, your mess, entirely on you,
but admitting fault was something you’d never do.
Instead, you deflected with your usual spin,
claiming “miscommunication” to cover your sin.
How dare you accuse us of misjudgment and wrong,
when it’s your ego that’s weak, and so far gone.
Pathetic and cruel, you played the part,
while your fragile pride tore us apart.
Then came the night, a holiday in strife,
your tantrum erupted, cutting like a knife.
You couldn’t manipulate or control our thoughts,
so you screamed and raged, your fury was caught.
Your pursed lips and disdain, so rigid and proud,
for our lack of obedience, you screamed so loud.
Your hollering left me speechless and torn,
over trivial matters, I felt so worn.
I remember sinking, head down in despair,
by the porcelain sink, your cruelty laid bare.
Stepping outside, to comfort and hold,
finding her in tears, our pain uncontrolled.
In each other's arms, we wept through the night,
gazing at stars, wondering if God saw our plight.
The next morning, you were bright and clear,
as if nothing had happened, your transgressions unclear.
“Get over it,” you might say, “we’re family,” you’d preach,
but your words fall flat, just out of reach.
Your defense, “we’re family,” is a cruel disguise,
a weapon for your ego, as the real truth lies.
Hypocrite! Your pretense is a veil so thin,
your cruelty is plain, where do I begin?
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
Let’s not forget that fateful day,
when you blindsided me in such a way.
Inviting the clan, a surprise to me,
You claimed you’d told me, but I did not see.
“Oh, I’m sure I mentioned it,” you said with ease,
I braced for questions that I couldn’t appease.
With a brave face, I hid the scab within,
each inquiry about him, a fresh pin.
Two weeks later, I came to confide.
Our bond had dissolved, I couldn’t hide.
I needed compassion, a sympathetic ear,
but you dodged my plea, made it all clear.
“It’s my house, I’ll invite whomever I choose,”
“Are you ashamed?” were the words you’d use.
I forgot, my role is to lift your pride,
to feed your ego, not to confide.
You think it’s fine to hurt and dismiss,
and in the name of respect, that’s your bliss.
Wondering why I keep my distance and rue?
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
The hypocrisy you wield, so cruel, so dense,
shaming me for pressing, with your cold defense,
“It’s not your business,” you snap, you shun.
But tell me, why isn’t it even your concern?
Why must I blindly bear the weight you lack,
picking up the slack you leave in your track?
You parentified me when I was just a child,
and now it’s worse, his decline running wild.
Yet you still claim he’s fine, without a care.
But the cracks are showing, everywhere.
Due to your neglect, coddling, and enabling,
he’s grown stubborn, belligerent, and unshakably frustrating.
Can’t get a word in edgewise without bellowing cries,
“Let me TALK, LET ME TALK, LET ME FUCKING TALK!”
In a flash, as I knelt with rage so tight,
I thought of striking him, but pulled away from the fight.
Inches from his face, I threw myself back in a desperate embrace.
My cheekbone slammed the floor as I sobbed in pain.
Not just for the hurt, but for the parentification strain.
Curled on the floor, my tears mixed with frustration,
over the stubbornness and endless aggravation.
You watched, unmoved, engrossed in your screen.
Unbothered by my distress or the pain unseen.
God forbid someone else steps in with force,
you’d rush to his side, defending without remorse
Where was your energy when I was torn apart?
Of course, he's your favorite, and I'm the least in your heart.
No one else has broken me quite like you.
For with you, it’s endless trauma, a relentless déjà vu.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
Even when grad school lay in sight,
it couldn’t be about my good flight.
And even when I got that degree,
you made sure it wasn’t about me.
At commencement, your gaze astray,
withheld your praise and walked away.
You villainized my every move,
because I didn’t care to prove
or parade you 'round
like a crown on the day that I earned my gown.
But when the tables turn, I see,
the rules just don’t apply to thee.
“Do as I say, not as I do,”
that motto fits when it’s from you.
Yet you knew just when to praise another one in a public craze.
I sometimes think your stings at me are rooted in jealousy.
I carry the cost of your scars and tears,
paying the bill that spans the years,
plus tax and tip and rising fears.
Damn this pain, this cursed line,
generations deep, it intertwines.
How much longer 'til I break free from this chain
that’s wrapped in misery?
It’s sly, deceiving, cold, and cruel,
like a mirage in desert’s duel,
promising water but feeding lies,
leaving me parched beneath burning skies.
Contrary to what you may think,
I still want you to heal, to find joy, to not sink.
For despite the anger I’ve carried so long,
I still love you — both feelings are strong.
Because love and pain, they coexist,
Neither one cancels the other, both persist.
But please, no more using me as your shield,
Your emotional blows — they’ve never healed.
Believe me when I say my heart was true,
When I came home early, surprising you.
I know there’s a part of your love that’s real,
But the pain you’ve buried, it’s all you can feel.
It lashes out, it finds its way,
Even if you don’t know what you convey.
And though I care, I can’t deny,
I’m exhausted from this endless try.
I’ve always wished you’d heal your soul,
But I can’t stay in this unrelenting role.
You dodge the mirror that reflects your ache,
And I can’t stay, waiting for you to wake.
I love you still, that much is true,
But I must also love myself too.
They say that hurt people continue to harm,
But unlike you, I’ll break this charm.
